“Connection”
‘Connection’ is a popular word amongst equestrians.
Who doesn’t want a connection with their horse?
An effortless, authentic and beautiful ‘partnership’.
I have to ask though… Is it a connection if the horse has no other choice?
One of my favorite sayings from Lockie Philips is “horses are the gateway drug to personal development”. Once you get comfortable with asking yourself hard questions, even more will start to come. Sometimes the answer to those questions can be rather triggering to our ego.
Can we find connection without force?
Can we find connection without persuasion?
Does the horse live mostly alone? Are they stalled primarily? Do they have friends to explore with? Do they have full-time access to forage?
Or do they have nothing better to do..?
Is the horse seeking connection with us because they simply have nothing else enriching them?
Connection is what enables any relationship, friendship or partnership to take place but there are many levels of connection. Connection can be momentary, temporary, oscillating, long-lasting, effortless, forced or even catastrophic.
Authenticity.
What kind of connection do you wish to establish with your horse?
Humans aren’t typically interested in maintaining relationships that feel one-sided or forced… should we expect our horses to be any different?
Many 'new-age’ equestrians believe that an authentic connection with a horse can only happen when the horse has autonomy over whether they would like to participate and explore further in the partnership on an ongoing & oscillating basis.
An authentic partnership should include supporting them unconditionally, which often times means setting aside our wants and needs. Surprisingly - horses tend to say ‘yes’ more often, when they realize that their ‘no’ actually means something.
Boundaries.
Another buzzword in the equestrian & personal development communities is “boundaries”. They are necessary in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself.
Boundaries should go both ways though.
Equestrians love to talk about setting boundaries with horses.
Equestrians love to set boundaries with horses.
Sometimes, a little too much.
Humans also often have no problem disregarding a horses desired boundaries.
We often relabel horses attempts to communicate as them “acting out”, “being lazy”, “choosing this” and so on, and so on.
We often disregard a horses experience.
But when the horse obediently follows suit…
We assume it’s because “we have a connection” with them.
We assume it’s because “they love their job”.
We assume it’s because “they love us”.
Undertones.
Willingness, submission (or even bombproof and shut-down) can all look nearly identical.
Not having a voice, or a choice, is the reality for most horses. When this is all they have ever known, they may not be willing to share their true thoughts with others.
There may be whispers but those usually go unnoticed.
Authenticity in connection is a massive topic to begin exploring. Listen to the undertones, and take note of those teeny tiny things the horse is constantly trying to tell you.
