The Great Divide
It seems there is a growing cause for concern within the equestrian community.
Yes, we all know about the prevalence of abuse and welfare issues.
Yes, we all know about the benefits that come with species appropriate living arrangements.
We all know about horrid hooves and poor body conditions.
We all know about the rampant dietary & nutritional issues.
That is all pertaining more to the horses experience.
But, what about the people caring for those horses?
As soon as you joined the equestrian community, you probably picked up on the divide between disciplines…
Western vs. English,
Dressage vs. Jumpers,
etc.
Then at some point you probably picked up on the divide between training methods…
Negative Reinforcement vs. Positive Reinforcement
Natural Horsemanship
CAT-H
and so on
In recent years, we have seen massive shifts within the equestrian world. So many of them for the better.
We’ve seen resistance to traditional methods of training and riding. Hundreds of thousands of horses lives have improved thanks to a growing number of equestrians who have begun to prioritize ‘friends, forage, freedom’ and function (of the body and mind).
But, here is whats happening behind the scenes, spoken from first hand experience.
A growing number of equestrians are becoming confused, conflicted and often crippled as they struggle to explore unfamiliar places.
For many, their mental health is being impacted by not only this, but because of the way many equestrians treat others.
It is time that everyone set judgement aside and opt for compassion regardless of their perceived observations. It is time that everyone grow up, and learn how to truly support and encourage one another.
Many equestrians exploring these unfamiliar places are suddenly asking themselves hard questions that somehow keep floating to the surface. This is altering their beliefs, and desires, and requiring a whole lot of learning/unlearning/relearning/reshaping as they investigate a wide variety of methods for being with, working with, training, and caring for their horses.
Connecting with other ‘likeminded equestrians’ online and in person is great, until it isn’t.
Do you know how many wonderful equestrians sit back and refuse to join the conversations in which they are probably needed the most because they have grown tired of the drama?
They’ve grown tired of the “great divide”.
They’ve grown tired of not being heard.
They’ve grown tired of being misunderstood.
The other day I saw Lockie Phillips say to someone:
“Thank you for understanding me, the way I intended to be understood”.
And I thought, well, that’s f*cking beautiful.
How often is it that we are gifted such a thing?
Being understood the way we intended to be.
More often, we’re dealing with:
- others projections,
- judgements,
- backhanded comments,
- slanderous remarks,
and - the narcissistic attitudes from far too many equestrians.
You know what narcissism is, simply put?
Believing that your experience, is the ONLY experience.
Believing that your point of view, is the ONLY point of view.
Not to mention - refusing to take accountability for any of this.
We are all here because we are trying to do better by our horses.
Yesterday, I saw a photo of a typical round bale of hay that was referred to as “wrapped hay” - and as someone who has never fed round bales before in my life, I asked for clarification on the terminology and if wrapped meant the same as round. I couldn’t even get an answer without a sarcastic reply about how ‘round bales are called that because they are round’ and a bystanders laughter in return.
Cmon, people?
Despite cultural differences, language barriers, and differing opinions, we are all still trying to do right by our horses.
Look how many of us are trying to do better by our horses by being better people, but, we fail to carry these principles with us when interacting with other equestrians.
We may be bettering ourselves, for the sake of our horses, but is there no interest in doing the same for other equestrians and how we treat them?
These are often the same equestrians who are hoping to find a home in our ‘likeminded communities’.
Anyone posting in any of the groups on Facebook, knows what I’m talking about.
Here you are, looking for answers for your problem horse, and you will be bombarded with a slew of comments. Some helpful, some kind, many rude and then the classics, often one worded with no explanation of thought.
“Ulcers.”
“EPM.”
“PSSM.”
“Feet.”
“Teeth.”
“Saddle fit.”
“Lame on RH.”
“Lame on LH.”
“They’re just lazy.”
“Your contact is terrible.”
“Learn to ride better”
Great conversation, right?
Some community, right?
It is not always easy to find the right help, in the right format.
Online learning has made it possible to learn from anyone. Literally, ANYone, can create an online course and market the ever living shit out of it.
It’s often very difficult to find local help, trainers, veterinarians and other owners who are willing to dive into the nitty gritty details and nuances alongside you, and acknowledge their awareness of where you are at in your journey.
It’s even harder to find others who are willing to think on those hard questions and share something authentic and full of integrity, back with you.
But…
People have also grown tired of seeing miserable horses.
People have grown tired of seeing ‘not quite right’, basically lame, horses being forced to work.
People have grown tired of watching others beat or whip horses into submission.
“Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.”
As I mentioned, part of this journey often involves asking a lot of questions. Some harder than others. Here are a few that I started asking myself several years ago…
Why does this feel wrong?
What does the horse get out of this?
What do I get out of this?
Why should I prioritize this, when I want to prioritize that?
Why would I skip over this and that… is it just so I can get in the saddle faster?
Am I projecting x,y,z onto my horse?
Am I connected to my horse?
Is my horse connected with me?
WTF is connection?
WTF is partnership?
WTF is R+?
Now, I’m not saying it isn’t a healthy path to explore,
but be careful that you don’t get stuck there,
because you might just get lost,
and have a hard time finding your way out.
It can be a slippery slope to want to work with horses like this - and I encourage you to simultaneously be aware of getting stuck in quicksand.
When you are first trying to find more ethical ways of working with your horse, prepare to ride an overthinking roller coaster that feels like it will never end.
And, news flash, not everyone in your ‘likeminded circle’ is willing to visit you where you ARE, or help pull you out from there in the manner that you desire need or prefer.
When we prioritize the horses voice and nothing but the horses voice, we might just lose our own.
Be it with our horse, or with other equestrians. If that happens, it is an unsettling place to be. It brings up more hard questions that even fewer people are willing to help you answer.
More and more horse people are opting for ‘alternative’ methods of training. Force free, positive reinforcement, liberty and consent based training, just to name a few.
Giving the horse a voice.
Getting them out of a ‘shut down’ state.
Respecting their no’s.
Refusing to use excessive amounts of pressure.
Experimenting with positive reinforcement.
Good news, if those things matter to you, then you are not a sociopath.
You are a normal empathetic being, who is able to acknowledge another parties experience, within your shared one.
Wanting to do right by our horses shouldn’t be this hard.
Part of the journey I have been on over the last several years is learning about all the things I find interesting, picking them apart, taking what I like, tossing what I don’t, seeing how it goes, pivoting again, learning something new again, rinse, repeat, and somehow find a way to merge what I liked all together.
It is not easy to trek on this journey, as it is often one of solidarity.
But, many of us have also grown tired of wasting our time and money on the people, trainers, veterinarians, etc. who flat out refused to truly listen to us.
I grew tired of trying to convince myself that I had something to learn from the people who clearly had no respect for me or the path I wanted to explore.
Here’s the thing though… we can just as easily do wrong by our horses with our intentions of doing right by them.
Just the other day, a local rescue near me was called in to help a 5 year old mare who lived in a paddock, had never been handled, or haltered, and managed to get barb wire fencing wound deeply into a hind leg. After several visits, they were finally able to get close enough to dart her enough times to sedate her to take a look. As you are probably expecting, yes, she was euthanized.
That owner, whatever their reasoning, perhaps they didn’t even have one, failed that horse, and let her suffer in her last days because of it.
Recently someone tried to convince me to take in a beautiful imported warmblood gelding who was 19 & being retired from his lesson program due to recently discovered ringbone. He was supposedly sound for light riding but the owners were ready to ‘upgrade’ and didn’t want to continue to pay for his retirement pasture boarding. If he didn’t find a new home by the end of the month (a week away) they would just put him down.
We hear stories all the time about senior horses whose owners are looking for “a good forever home” which is “a must”. A year later, the owner is desperately searching the internet for that same horse.
Maybe, it is kinder to see them through to the peace of the other side after all… At least it would be familiar.
There are far fewer equestrians with the ability to provide lifelong care for horses. Especially senior ones. Who at some point will need special senior needs to be met.
And as we all know, many horse people believe the horse “needs a job” to earn their portion of the feed bill.
I read these stories all the time. You do too.
As horse people, we have chosen to take part in owning a domesticated species and we must find a way to help them live in our world as harmoniously as possible. Ideally, while providing species appropriate living.
Horses need life skills to survive in our human world.
You don’t have to ride them.
You don’t even have to exercise them.
You do have to set them up for success though.
For the other empathetic horse people out there, who are desperately trying to change the way they do things and still get results this requires doing the work of exploring the vast amount of options out there.
Keep asking the hard questions and searching for answers but don’t get stuck in the quicksand and allow you and your horse to regress.
What if something happened to you?
- Do you have a legal trust with explicit instructions, and financial allocations in place for your herd?
- Or will your family have no idea what to do, so they just sell your horses to whoever appears?
- Have you set them up for success no matter where they land?
- Will your horses survive whatever journey could unfold?
It’s okay to set goals.
It’s okay to test, practice, and completely change your newfound pathway to something else again.
We do not have to escalate pressure beyond excessive measure.
We do not have to beat them into submission.
We do not have to shut them down.
We DO need to learn the fine line between submission, shut down and consent.
Because sometimes they all look nearly identical.
Is it just me or should we try to find a way for ‘the great merge’ to begin spreading farther than the divide?
One thing that can be really overwhelming about all these divided communities is the ‘all the way or nothing’ attitudes, and demands.
Why can’t I combine R+ with other ‘integritous’ & kind training methods and principles?
What if I don’t want to force my horse to “connect” with me by moving their feet?
Is a connection even real, if the horse has no other choice?
They have no where else to go but stand here in this round pen with me.
They have no other option but to give me their mind unless they want me to keep moving their feet.
This doesn’t feel good.
More f*cking questions! Thoughts. Good. Explore them, but learn to DISCERN.
It is common knowledge that the best of athletes take part in some form of cross training to maximize their physical performance, strength and resiliency. However, cross training does not have to just be relevant to physical fitness.
We can cross train ourselves in just about anything. Including training techniques.
It is perfectly acceptable to explore many worlds within this larger equestrian one.
When there is a software update on your phone or computer, the purpose that it serves is to remove the “bugs” and enhance the users experience, often adding new features and benefits. Don’t let the software updates pile up for so long that it takes you ages to download and install them all.
There are ethical ways to interact with your horse, give them a voice, ask them to participate in ‘extracurricular activities’.
We just have to cross train ourselves with various methods and techniques. We must remain mindful, be aware, observe, toss aside, incorporate new, and be discerning.
It’s all about finding a way to merge things together.
Boundaries need to exist in any relationship.
With your partner, friend, child, parents, and yes, your horse.
Your horse sets boundaries with you. And you listen.
You are not going to dismantle the relationship with your horse because you’ve asked something simple of them, like a weight shift, turn on the haunch or backing up a few steps. These skills can be relevant in many necessary scenarios (like when trimming their hooves).
In a human to human partnership or friendship, you would (or should) tell someone if you are uncomfortable with something they did, or said.
And before you come at me with something like ‘well, tHiS is a hOrSe to hUmAn partnership’, let me just say a few more things.
You can allow your horse to do the same, telling you what they do and don’t wish for, but don’t let the horses experience become the one and only experience. This is a partnership, remember?
Horses know that we aren’t horses.
Yes, we can, and should, use some of their language to interact with them.
This requires bilingual abilities on our part.
This requires understanding equine ‘cultural’ herd norms.
We have to form some sort of hybrid language.
And - should we not expect the same in return from our horses?
The horses who WE have chosen to bring into our world, own, care for, and often use them for whatever.
Would it not be fair to ask the horse to learn some of our language?
Would it not be fair to ask the horse to become bilingual, with us?
Is it not normal for language to include positive and negative interactions?
So that we can ensure they have the best life experience with humans.
Give them a species appropriate lifestyle.
Teach them valuable life-skills so they can survive this world, if you happen to disappear from theirs.
And if you teach them well enough, maybe nobody will ever have to use harsh training methods with them, if they ever fall into someone else’s hands.
And yes, you can do this without forcing, or persuading the horse to take part in the experience.
Lastly for the trainers out there who think it’s acceptable to poke fun at the equestrians who navigating new paths, I urge you to utilize nothing but compassion.
Be aware of your demeanor towards other humans, otherwise you are just existing in the problem realm, and falsely in the solution one.
The simplest thing we can do for others, is acknowledge one another, and respect where we are all at in our individual journeys.
So, for my mindful equestrians out there, keep trekking on.
