Shut Down Horses
We can only truly support another horse, or human, in a friendship, or partnership, if it is unconditional & selfless. The moment that we let expectations or desires, cloud our reality and truth, the farther we are led from our authenticity.
We don’t often talk about this in the horse world, but just like horses, humans will shut down too when they feel overwhelmed & threatened. Thinking about this from a human perspective can help us relate better to the horses experience - and vice versa.
Shutdown is on the other side of “fight or flight” and often times the nervous system settles here in an effort to provide a false sense of protection, and sanctuary, despite vibrating in a low, chronic and subtle sympathetic (stressed) state. To move back to a default parasympathetic state, the body will have to move out of shutdown and past fight or flight. This is why some people feel like their previously shutdown horse is suddenly regressing or they are extra spooky all of a sudden… Perhaps they’ve just realized they can explore fight or flight again. Perhaps, you’ve made them feel safe enough to share their voice and opinions with you.
In my experience, shutdown in horses can mean and look something different to others. Often you’ll hear of horses who have no personality, no care or worries in the world, but sometimes you have horses who participate because they feel they have to. They participate because they think there’s no other option. Their eyes and bodies tell a different story.
In Buddhism, there is a saying “the root of all suffering is attachment” and this attachment can be anything. When we think of attachment, it is easy to associate that to a tangible object, person, etc. Less often, we think about our attachment to a desired outcome, otherwise known as an expectation. When things don’t go according to the plan we wanted, it can lead to mental and/or emotional suffering in the form of frustration. It is easy to fall into a place of projecting, demanding, or even gaslighting, when working with horses. By removing our egotistical expectations and showing up from a place of selflessness, we can hopefully eliminate projecting, and save our horses from a world of misery by being the authentic & connected equestrians we so often claim to be.
There are a few cliche sayings in the horse world. One is “horses never lie” and another one says “horses are our mirrors”. It is my belief that if we are able to authentically connect, in the moment with a horse, by prioritizing their voice, reality and truth… it may gift us the opportunity to become internally aware of and connected to ourselves as well as what we are expecting from, or projecting onto others. In turn, providing us with a deeper and true connection to them.
When we operate on auto-pilot and out of the moment then we remove some of our capability to receive solid intel. This is necessary when it comes to working with unfamiliar or on-edge horses. You may be met with resistance if you simply expect another party to just “bend the knee” at your command.
If a horse doesn’t offer something the way you want, or expect, you might want to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’ve been offering what they need. Ask yourself if you’ve really been listening to them. Ask yourself where the expectation you had came from… Was it selfless? Was it unconditional? Can you remove the requirements?
“Horses know when you are listening and they know when you aren’t.” - WS
Some horses call you on your bullsh*t while others just sit idly by, complacent & compliant.
Some give up before you even start.
Some horses whisper, a few chatter, and a handful yell.
Many equestrians talk about cultivating a partnership with their horse by building a connection. Yet, the missing component always seems to be two-way communication. They talk about listening to their horse and respecting them but things often look and probably feel one-sided. We say we are listening, we say we are present, we say we respect them, we love them, care for them, would do anything for them….but they often have reasons to believe otherwise because we have a tendency to be inconsistent with our reliability to hear them out individually.
Sure, there are times where we might have to bypass something in order to care for them properly. For example, your horse absolutely hates it when you have to dispense something in their mouth, but they are sick, and you need to treat them at that moment. You do your best to work together. We should always take note of their hesitancies and work on it another time.
The inconsistent reliability that I am referring to is when we claim to be partners with a horse but blow off their commentary while we tack them up, mount, and ride them. Humans love to makeup reasons and excuses for a horses behavior. This often entails completely disregarding the horses experience while elevating ours as the one and only valid experience.
We force horses to “connect” with us by running them around a pen until they “get it right”.
News Flash: a forced connection is not a real connection.
The fact of the matter is, horses are trying to honestly communicate with us all the time in the only ways that they really can. This could be lifting the head, swishing the tail, pinning the ears, stomping of the feet, kicking out and so on. Or it could be lowering the head, observing, sighing, wiggling the lips and offering a gentle sniff.
The volume usually gets louder, the longer you don’t listen. Sometimes the volume just goes on mute though.
A lot of times horses (just like humans) are dealing with things that we are completely oblivious to. This could be stemming from past trauma, physical discomfort, or lack of happiness. This can frequently be due to the restrictions we place on our horses lives. We control every aspect of their day to day and for most horses this means their livelihood. We often choose their herd for them, restrict their access to forage, train them mostly for our pleasure, isolate them in a stall, and so on, and so on. We refuse to realize just how unsettling it can be for certain horses to be away from their herd mates, turnouts, or even their humans.
When horses realize there is no point in trying to have a voice anymore, because all we’ve ever done is essentially ignore their honesty, they often stop trying to stand up for themselves. This is sometimes referred to as ‘learned helplnessness’, where they have accepted their fate. They appear to be submissive when really they are depressed by humans chronic lack of awareness. Ignoring these signs, and continuing to press them, will only dismantle any chance of connection you wished to build or retain with that horse.
And they shut down.
Maybe shutdown in horses is just their way of using the yellow or gray rock method… hoping that a relentless person will just lose interest in them because they know they will never be able to do anything quite right.
We really shouldn’t be too surprised when they remain within their internal bubble, where they feel safest. And we should respect this, even if we don’t understand it. Delicately encouraging them to come out of this by providing them with a safety net that is rooted in selfless and unconditional support and free of expectations is how we create true connection.
As Warwick Schiller says, when we communicate our awareness, of their awareness, then the horse knows we are truly listening. And from there, communication might actually mean something to them again one day.
